Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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