well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
