She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
