I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
