He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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