The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
