2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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