remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
