I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
the day after is always just damage control
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
