I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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