if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
