Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
