I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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