You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
