What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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