his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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