I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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