ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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