I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
