my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
