Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize