i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
