mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
