Do vagina's smell?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
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Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
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Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I need to align my fucking chakras
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