so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
