wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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