The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
