i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
