Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
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