well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
