i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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