R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
