I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
