Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
