CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
