Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
