Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
