I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
