Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
