What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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