I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
