Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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