I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I will be naked everywhere
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
