I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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