Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize