i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
