Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
