She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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