I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
