38 yer olds are good kisserssss
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
