Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
