just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
