At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
