your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
