When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
