fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
