She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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