Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
