So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Randomize
