my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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