Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize