the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
