Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You're like the curious george of whores
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
