Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
