I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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