C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
