You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
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you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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