Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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