True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
