I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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