Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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