I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
