I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
