If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
So many bounce houses so little time
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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