I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
