ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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