i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
