meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
