I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
