Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
