Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i think i just lost a toe
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
