This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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