you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
