but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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