I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you