If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
