Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
