Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
it was like eating out sand paper
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
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I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
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Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires