Texts From Last Night

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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I just pynch a tree in the face

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  (336): I just pynch a tree in the face http://tfl.nu/eknu
  Replies (6) Good night (1284) Bad night (632)
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong

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  (912): I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong http://tfl.nu/xu91
  Replies (15) Good night (5486) Bad night (1146)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  How did you steal an entire pie?

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I don't know. It's in my purse.

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  (503): How did you steal an entire pie? (602): I don't know. It's in my purse. http://tfl.nu/b3mp
  Replies (22) Good night (11590) Bad night (1176)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.

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  (814): It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble. http://tfl.nu/cvy5
  Replies (17) Good night (745) Bad night (4963)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.

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  (708): I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you. http://tfl.nu/xqfj
  Replies (8) Good night (1210) Bad night (4076)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.

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  (248): He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history. http://tfl.nu/5nwi
  Replies (4) Good night (2733) Bad night (883)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  they won't let me drive with my sombrero

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  (757): they won't let me drive with my sombrero http://tfl.nu/1zde
  Replies (9) Good night (2987) Bad night (1001)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.

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  (713): I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well. http://tfl.nu/o2ii
  Replies (4) Good night (1593) Bad night (561)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL

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  (516): We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL http://tfl.nu/hj1k
  Replies (3) Good night (1472) Bad night (442)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  how did operation slutty penguin go?

  (619): View more from California

  pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter

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  (303): how did operation slutty penguin go? (619): pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter http://tfl.nu/uigh
  Replies (6) Good night (2767) Bad night (497)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment

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  (775): At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment http://tfl.nu/1isz
  Replies (5) Good night (871) Bad night (368)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.

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  (615): Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it. http://tfl.nu/lqyz
  Replies (4) Good night (366) Bad night (577)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~

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  (504): Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~ http://tfl.nu/nmyu
  Replies (5) Good night (427) Bad night (646)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits

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  (304): I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits http://tfl.nu/u184
  Replies (1) Good night (240) Bad night (565)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.

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  (281): Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower. http://tfl.nu/elx1
  Replies (1) Good night (296) Bad night (153)

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